Some Health Facts
- Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life; is this true?A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s
it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;
that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. - Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is
nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables
to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good
source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop
can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable products. - Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity
bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also
made out of grain. Bottoms up! - Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio
is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one,
etc. - Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in
a regular exercise program?A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:
No Pain…Good! - Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! ….. Foods are fried these
days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad for you? - Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
soft around the middle?A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger
stomach. - Q: Is chocolate bad for me?A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!
It’s the best feel-good food around! - Q: Is swimming good for your figure?A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to
me. - Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets.
And remember: ‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with
the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well
preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in
one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, What a ride’ AND…..
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on
nutrition and health It’s a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting nutritional studies.
- The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans. - The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans. - The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans. - The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans. - The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you.
